its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
