Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
