Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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