I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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