just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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