i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
