haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
