Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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