she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
