I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
