Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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