Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
