This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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