...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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