Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
