if i died would you start the facebook group?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
