If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
