if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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