Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
