i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
