how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
