and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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