Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
