just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
