my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
