I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
