Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
