Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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