Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
