I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
