I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
