And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
