If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
