i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
