Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
