I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
