we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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