i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I love having hate sex.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
