Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
