After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
