Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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