I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
