I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
