Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
