maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
