I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
