we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
im on a boat
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