am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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