when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
