in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
