There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
