I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
