Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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