It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
